Raise your hand if you are a people-pleaser like me and put everyone else before yourself?
Have you found that saying yes is more of a habit than a true intention?
Do you find yourself saying yes because you just want to be helpful, don’t want to be seen as a “mean” person, or are expected to always be the one everyone can count on because that’s been your role with your friends and family all these years?
Yes, I believe you and I have met before! I know what we think – if only more people cared enough to help others, or “everyone depends on me because I get things done”. Perhaps you feel a sense of importance or superiority because you ARE the person that handles things with ease.
It’s a wonderful goal but psychologists have proven the danger of being a constant people-pleaser. Why so dangerous? Because this behavior can lead to you not taking care of your personal obligations, developing resentment for those around you, and eventually feeling under-appreciated and taken advantage of.
And trust me, resentment and feelings of being taken advantage of are the only end result and I can confirm that from personal experience. It hits you like a ton of bricks (and surprisingly all of a sudden too) and makes you very angry, especially when the same people you kill yourself to help don’t seem to give you another thought afterwards except when they need something else. And don’t try asking them for help because you are the person that handles everything – you don’t need any help!
So read on and see if you can relate to some of the thoughts below:
Your Relationships Can Suffer.
You want to help everyone and make everyone happy with your willingness to say yes but often trying to please everyone means leaving some people out. You have already agreed to so many obligations there is not enough time left on your schedule. Too many commitments and the quality of your efforts suffer. The end result is your personal and business relationships can be damaged.
You Begin to Resent Yourself.
A lot of “yes men” and women do not like the people-pleasing part of their personality. They realize their lives are stress-filled due to their constant efforts to keep everyone happy. They see their own obligations taking a backseat, while the people they do favors for advance in business and in their personal lives.
So what happens then? Welcome to the world of resentment as you realize your people-pleasing personality is pleasing everyone but you. (Trust me – this one is so true!!!)
You Are Hurting Those You Care About.
Doing everything for your friends, family members and coworkers means they never experience growth. You limit their ability to learn how to take on new tasks or handle their issues successfully when you help – and why should they have to – they’ve got you to do everything for them!
Even if you see someone you care about struggling, sometimes it’s best to let them learn how to solve the problem themselves so they develop a new skill and an improved sense of self-esteem. No, you shouldn’t let them fail but perhaps listening and talking them through options is the better choice rather than jumping in and handling their issue yourself.
You Might Be Wrong.
Is your every behavior dictated on what you think will please someone else? A common issue with us people-pleasers. We try to perceive what will make others happy, and then act accordingly, even if it is detrimental to our own situation.
Remember, you are not a mind reader. Trying to assume what will keep everyone happy will lead to the opposite result. Plus depending on how many people pleasing tasks you have going at one time, you’ll be reading minds and coming up with different solutions for each person. Exhausting!
I don’t know about you, but I’m glad I’ve been tackling my people pleasing mindset!
Let me know what you think about this post and how you manage any people-pleasing tendencies you may have.
To Your Beauty and Balance